Have you ever been happy? I mean you might not be the best, and there is some room for improvement, but you're happy. You're having fun, and everything feels good, you don't feel the need to change anything. Well except that one nagging thought. You know the one. The one right at the back. It's like a dog barking in the distance. You can live with it, it's not too bad...

But it goes on... and on... and on... Until one day you just snap and you feed it a big piece of meat with powered arsenic... Ok, maybe it's not the same thing, but you all know what I am talking about.

"If I lower it, my lg will be better"

"I need to make my sens higher so I can turn faster"

"If I can learn how to use accel it would make me a better player"

All these things are fine and sometimes, are needed. However, it can also lead you down a deep, and dark path. Sometimes, you just can't stop. You make a change, then it doesn't feel right. You make another change, but your accuracy decreases. You tell yourself "all I need to do is stick with it and things will get better" but all that reminds you of is what a poor woman with an abusive husband will tell herself.

Days pass. Weeks pass. Months pass.

At that point you can't even remember what you like anymore, you fall back to your original setting, but it's not the same anymore. Nothing is right anymore, you only start to hate, only start to feel like a lost soul on the edge of the end...

Sensitivity hell. We all know it, why do we punish ourselves?

November last year, I was playing with a fairly low sens, but my aim was GOOD and CONSISTANT. I was enjoying going on to servers, even if I was losing I still felt like I was putting some damage out, everything was good. It just really bothered me that I was getting into so many situations where people were hitting me from behind, or while moving around I kept bumping into things etc. Back in the day I used to play with a really high sens, but if I tried the same sens now, it seemed a bit archaic and there was no way I would hit the same as I could on the lower sens.

I ignored it at first... but after awhile I started getting these feelings of inadequacies, I NEEDED MORE.

About 1 week before I went back to SA and they applied the hitbox/netcode update, I changed my sens.

Up! Down! Accel!

I started changing keyboard layouts, started thinking of new mice! Nothing worked, it just seemed to pull me deeper and deeper into a world of lost confidence. Eventually 2 months later I gave up and switched back to my old sens... but it wasn't the same anymore. My accuracies were down AND I still couldn't move / turn around fast. It was a lost cause... but I carried on anyway...